The passing of March and April is followed by the arrival of May; and the arrival of May marks not only the end of my infatuation for one I’d like to call U but also the departure of one I’d like to call C.
Putting oneself out there is never easy, especially when it’s been forever since one’s done so. I am almost never the one to wear my heart upon my sleeve but that was exactly what I did with and for U, at least for a very short while.
Things with U did not end well, partly because of U’s inability to commit and partly because of my unwillingness to be dating someone who seems to be standing on an unequal footing, financially speaking.
Experience with U was tiring to say the least. There was a lack of honesty and frankness, not to mention the nagging feeling that I was being regarded as the bread-winner of this relationship.
To U, I say goodbye. It took very little NOT to pick up your call that night because I was ready to leave you for better options.
The reason for C’s departure is both personal and professional. And however heavily the professional aspect weighs in on C’s decision to depart, it is undeniable that I played a role in the personal aspect ; for I believe, quite firmly, that a romantic commitment on my part would have ensured C’s stay.
Even though C was all ready to take the plunge, things did not work out solely because of my hesitance and insecurity.
To this day, whatever it was between C and me was never admitted to and therefore never spoken for.
Am I feeling nostalgic? Certainly. But am I feeling regretful ? Honestly not. I am feeling nostalgic for what was and what could have been but am not feeling regretful because I am happy to see C following his heart and aspiration.
I will miss C, most likely more than C will do me.
To C, I say bon voyage ; you know it will take very little for me to pack and fly ; all I need is an invitation.
